July, 2010:

First of all, I have to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who came out to our book signing in Asbury Park, NJ this weekend. We were overwhelmed by all the Jersey love…and the boys fell in love with the pinball museum.

Loved seeing the Giudice girls play Monopoly with their Dad; that’s our boys’ favorite game and when we play, we’re ruthless with them and each other. During the game we hear that Teresa and Joe will celebrate their 10th anniversary, which is huge & congrats to them. Given everything that we’ve been hearing about the family’s financial turmoil, I wondered where Joe’s conversation with Chris was going to go, and was curious as to how much Teresa knew at that point when she asked for something big. Regardless, it was a beautiful ring. Loved the helicopter ride, and did anyone think we’d suddenly switched away from basic cable when we saw the two of them on the bed?? Tee hee…bet they could have fun with some of the goodies I got Bethenny and Ramona! Glad to see the spark is still there because that will carry them through what’s going on now.

The Manzo kids provided comic relief as usual; I loved watching Lauren & Chris lock Albie out of the gym and fake the situps, and good for Albie for making good use of his time by seeing another side of law enforcement.

You know what? I also really appreciated Danielle’s scenes this episode – I kept wondering to myself, is it going to get uncomfortable? Is she going to do something that’s inappropriate? There’s been a ridiculous amount of drama leading up to now, and of course the rest of the cast never have anything good to say about her. This week it was nice to see another side of Danielle, that she loves her daughters and wants the best for them. Of course there are going to be people who say she was being a stage mom to Jillian, and while it did seem that way with Christine and the modeling earlier, I felt the pep talk with Jillian was just that…a boost. It reminded me of my niece, who balked at practicing her reading at our wedding rehearsal but did just fine at the actual ceremony. Also happy to see that they discussed it being a charitable party and that everything was donated. That’s the thing not all viewers realize; party planners and charities themselves have access to venues, businesses and donors who can make these events come together fairly easily. Of course it was fascinating to see her ex-husband, Tom and it was nice that he and his wife agreed to appear on camera. They seemed very cordial, though I remember clips online or previews where she really slammed him in the past. Danielle’s hug of Tom in gratitude for coming almost got a little too long and teary, but she broke it before he did so it didn’t come off desperate. I could have done without her explanation of the engagement ring, but it was cute to see the sisters good-naturedly arguing over who’d have the bigger rock later on.

Can’t wait to see what’s going to happen with Kim G once everyone knows she’s been a switch hitter. And, WHAT IS GOING ON with Ashley? We only know what was shown, but she clearly isn’t one bit sorry. Ashley doesn’t have to like Danielle and guess what, she doesn’t really even have to be sorry about the hair pulling, BUT she has to answer to it. She has to respect the gravity of the consequences of her actions. There’s a summons out for her and whether she likes it or not, it’s now public record and has to be taken care of. Countersue? What’s she going to countersue over, breaking a nail when she pulled Danielle’s hair? Her internet access bill for reading Danielle’s facebook page? Seriously, I don’t know what I’d do if I were Jacqueline. This kiddo needs more than tough love; she needs anger management. I wish that when Ashley complained that Chris & Jacqueline kept bringing up the incident, one of them would have said something like this: “Right, you don’t like me bringing this up. OK, here’s what you need to accomplish in order for me to stop talking about this. You need to handle the complaint, find a lawyer, make an appointment and go speak to them. You need show up to court and deal with this. I will ride with you if you need support and I will hold your hand. I will not drive the car; this is your problem and you need to make it go away.”……or something like that. Ashley needs to completely separate her feelings for Danielle from this summons, because we don’t live in utopia and her dislike of the woman isn’t going to change. But to sit there and idly talk about how she deserved it or did bad things 25 years ago or isn’t a nice person or blah blah blah ….all that is emotional pandering and doesn’t solve the current problem. There’s a mess that needs to be cleaned up. Take a deep breath and do it.

Thanks for all your comments and if you don’t already, please follow me on Facebook & Twitter.

I’m determined not to fall behind on episodes, so here we go down interstate 95 to Franklin Lakes, and what stood out for me this week…I’m not sure how funny this installment is going to be because frankly, the episode wasn’t funny – more quietly disturbing than anything else.

Topic number one was the aftermath of the fashion show confrontation & hair-pulling incident. My opinion is based on what we’ve all seen on the show – I specifically haven’t asked for further details from the ladies when I’ve seen them.

Unless something was cut out, I really don’t see how Ashley could have thought that her mother was being attacked – seems to me more of a convenient excuse to try and deflect her own behavior. Nobody deserves to have hair extensions yanked out. Is it worthy of pressing charges for assault? Eh, debatable. Is Danielle within her rights to do so? Yes. Will Ashley learn a lesson? I certainly hope so. We haven’t seen any indication of that yet based on her conversations with Caroline, Jacqueline and Derek. I really hope for her sake that her attitude changes and her underlying anger lessens. She mentioned to Derek that her mother keeps bringing the incident up – I’m sure the reason is that Jacqueline hasn’t gotten through to her.

Ultimately? No one walked out of that fashion show with clean hands. Danielle was rude during the show. Teresa started something by waiting for Danielle, and flew off the handle with the “don’t call me honey” comment and the jab about her house being in foreclosure, and Jacqueline may as well have had popcorn on the sidelines, then stood in front of the car like a matador staring down a bull. These girls are all scrappy and no one is afraid of a fight. I wish Danielle would just admit that she loves the confrontation too – the “oh poor me” business is getting boring. I tend to think that at the moment of the hair pulling, Danielle had to be doing an internal dance that she had “won” by getting a rise out of Ashley.

Did anyone else see the look on Christine’s face when Danielle was getting into the boxing practice? Knowing how to defend yourself against a mugger or rapist is a good thing, and I’ve taken those classes too. It got a little much for me when Danielle was shouting Teresa’s and Jacqueline’s names while punching.

More cute family scenes from the Giudice family – at least the little girls weren’t shouting out the names of kids on the playground when they threw their punches and kicks, so they are ahead of the game there. Glad to see Albie got his letter and has a plan; if he gets into school in California, Caroline will get to work on her tan!

I have to finish soon to play outside with two children advancing on the office with whiffleball and cricket bats. However before I do that, let’s talk about blonde women named Kim. Kim D didn’t bug me this week, but Kim G??? Wow. She has a lovely face and beautiful eyes, and hopefully has good intentions notwithstanding a clear desire for airtime. That’s about the best I can say for her. Why on earth is she playing both sides? Does she seriously think she can accompany Danielle to file charges against Ashley, and then show up to support Jacqueline? Is she going to dash between the two sides of the courtroom like a Keystone cop in a purple knit hat to testify as a witness for Danielle, then hold Jacqueline’s hand? Stay tuned for more on that…in the meantime, if you’re going to be in the Asbury Park area this weekend, come to the Bodega Shoppe on Saturday the 24th where Simon and I will be signing books, and don’t forget about Facebook and Twitter.

Ohhhh boy, welcome back! Filming this season was a wild ride, and I for one can’t wait to see what it’s going to look like. So much drama, so many poignant moments, so many times when I felt like my heart was so full it might burst…or was that my head and eyes??

In between seasons, Simon and I wrote a book together, Little Kids, Big City, which comes out April 6th. It’s about the craziness that goes along with raising young children in the city, with the good, the bad and the downright ugly. We go to places few parents do when it comes to speaking frankly (and sometimes sarcastically) about the frustrating but rewarding full time job of being parents.

When you last saw me, I had been recently laid off from Victoria’s Secret corporate, and I felt the newly jobless panic that so many of us did. When you lose your job, the fear and anxiety is overwhelming, regardless of your circumstances. I was one of the lucky ones – I received a good severance package and went into business for myself. These days I work with retail clients doing everything from graphics and event planning to merchandising and store fixtures. Right now I am planning the March opening party for Second Time Around’s newest location in Philadelphia, and running the in-store renovation for Willoughby’s Camera, which includes new showrooms for Leica and Pentax. After balancing corporate America with home, family and shooting the show, I’m thrilled to be able to set my own hours and work from home often, though my friends will tell you I definitely work longer hours now!

Over the summer, Simon and I ran into Ramona and Mario several times — their ice and our apathy had begun to thaw a bit, so when she invited me to join her for a day on the boat I accepted, and we decided to start fresh. Almost the moment we left the pier the drama began, though not with me…yet. Ramona brought out her newest jewelry pieces and Jill & LuAnn were offended – not sure why. I dove in and tried things on; why not play with sparkly things on a gorgeous day? The group quickly divided in half, and after I had my fill of wine and jewelry I threw on a bikini (thanks, Jennifer!) and went to lay out on the bow. I was almost asleep when suddenly Jill and LuAnn popped up on either side of me like one of those “whack-a-mole” games, to fill me in on the brewing feud. Apparently Mario made a sly comment about LuAnn that wasn’t very nice. LuAnn wanted Ramona to apologize, and refused to confront Mario about it. That’s where she lost me. I get really frustrated when people tell Simon something meant for me, and vice versa. We have a very close relationship, but we’re not interchangeable! Neither are Mario and Ramona. If a guy ever does something to annoy me I take it up with him directly, not his wife.

Eventually everyone settled down and LuAnn and Ramona smoked a peace pipe, or rather downed a peace shot. We had a great lunch and afternoon, during which Jill brought up that she and Bethenny hadn’t spoken in months and weren’t getting along. I had heard bits and pieces of this before, but hadn’t seen Bethenny all summer myself. That afternoon I kept an open mind – in the moment it seemed like both “sides” had reasons for the way they felt. Stay tuned for more on that…

I need a glass of red wine before I can even begin writing this blog. Chianti is appropriate, I think, because if things get any more heated we’re going to need a side order of fava beans and someone’s liver to go with that. Oh my Jersey girls… what is going ON? Holy hair-weave-on-a-head. Well, off a head, as it turns out. WOW. I was with Caroline, Teresa & Jacqueline earlier this week and because my blog was an episode behind didn’t discuss any of this, but I have to say my jaw was on the floor in places. But before we get to the hair pulling…

Caroline is in such pain with Albie’s law school situation, and I understand that completely. If it were one of my sons, I’d want to sue the school. Why wasn’t he able to get the support he needed for his learning disability? Clearly at least one person at the school knew he needed it. If, with services, grades didn’t improve, that’s one thing. If no help was available, that’s another. Given that assistance was available but Albie was not able to receive it, there’s no opportunity for improvement and that isn’t fair. Part of me wants to say more about this but I’m going to hold off for now. One thing I will say though, is that the tenacity Albie has displayed in working through this is a good quality to have if you’re a lawyer.

What the heck happened in Posche? Sidebar, can I just say that every time I type that I mistype Porsche? Is that meant to be subliminal? She doesn’t sell cars. Anyway….Danielle walked into the boutique and didn’t recognize the girl behind the desk. Here’s what we don’t know – how long she stood there while the girl was on the phone. Here’s what we do know – Danielle slapped her bag down on the counter and looked impatient. I’ve answered my share of phones at various college jobs, and if someone slapped their bag on the desk in a huff and it wasn’t Hillary Clinton or Isaac Mizrahi, bag slapping would not make me get off the phone faster. If someone is on the phone and signals to you that they’ll be with you in a moment, that doesn’t automatically make them rude or disrespectful. That makes them a multitasker. In Danielle’s world, multitasking is apparently offensive.

Here’s my favorite moment of episode 9 – the 6,000 expressions crossing Albert’s face when Caroline asked him to retire. When you get a reaction like that, it’s reality TV magic, and when they went out to dinner, I understood completely Caroline’s rationale that she wouldn’t cancel plans with her husband to get involved in nonsense. That’s why I always had Simon with me in season 1! Speaking of Caroline, I was really proud that she had an open mind about the Posche fashion show and suggested that the girls go ahead and attend. It would be nice if all the girls could be at an event and smile, nod and walk away. Of course then they wouldn’t want to film it.

Back to Danielle, I don’t know how long she and Kim D have been friends, but does she really think that Teresa and Jacqueline would choose to spend time with Kim just to needle her? Clearly these mothers of babies have nothing better to do with their time than figure out who the friends are of a woman they don’t like, and befriend them. That makes perfect sense to me. Pardon me – we interrupt this blog because I’ve just realized that all the BFFs of my least favorite RHONY cast members need to come to dinner at my house. I need to excuse myself to do a little googling and speed dialing. Oy.

The fashion show quickly became a sideshow as Danielle played the “I’m ignoring you” game, while Jacqueline and Teresa tried to actually ignore her. Personally, I think calling someone a coke whore is beyond inappropriate, as is pretending to be on your cell phone. Just because Paris Hilton does something doesn’t make it hot.

Danielle really made me want to jump through the TV and scream at her when she looked straight to camera and went after Jacqueline’s parenting skills. Why was she so nasty? Did I miss something? I could feel for the first time how the other girls must feel when they are pushed past the point of no return with her. Of course now that I’ve written that I guess I’d better watch my back – though we really do try to use our words in NY so all should be well – I’ll take my own advice from Chapter 8, Don’t Listen to the Well-Meaning Morons (even if they’re not well-meaning – a new subtitle just for this occasion.)

What can I say about what happened next? Yes, Teresa had to know that waiting for Danielle was going to start something…BUT, I understand why she did. Yes, I can understand how the snark about foreclosure incensed Teresa, and how it escalated. I thought Danielle was a little OTT with the running down the hallway crying; she wasn’t being pursued by wolves. How did Ashley think her mom was being attacked? I have to say I didn’t completely buy her rationale, but that could be a result of the way the episode was cut – we didn’t see why Ashley thought that.

In the aftermath, after the police were called, the Bentley returned and the drama contained, the flip-flopping Kim G met with Danielle to eat something yellow and alarming, and be a shoulder to her. OK, I understand that Kim is trying to be friendly with everyone. It’s not working; she’s coming across wishy-washy. I also understand that Danielle is going on the emotional roller coaster ride of her life. Danielle thinks everyone is out to get her, and regardless of whether the rest of the world believes that’s true or false, that’s how she feels. If someone thinks you are trying to kill them, telling them you aren’t will not change their mind – we lived thorough that on our show too. Sadly, Ashley fed right into that by grabbing the hair extensions. Perhaps, if Danielle presses charges that might give Ashley a wakeup call? If that happens, and if Ashley does learn, that’s a way to bring something positive out of a negative situation, however bizarre it may seem.

The energist called Danielle, then Jacqueline, who played the energist by playing a game on her phone. I guess the energist wasn’t tapping into her psychic side as she didn’t realize Jacqueline was less than enthusiastic. I do have to say that for me, saying “No, thank you,” and hanging up would be been a more direct way to handle the situation.

Teresa came clean with Joe, she had her whine, they then had wine and laughed. What bothered me about Ashley is that she didn’t seem to understand the gravity of what she’d done, and didn’t seem to want to take responsibility for it. Chris and Jacqueline tried hard to get through to her, the baby looked worried and Ashley looked defiant. I really hope for her sake that has changed, and we’ll see how it plays out.

See you next week! I can’t wait to see what happens next – in the meantime Simon and I will be in Asbury Park, NJ 7.24 for a book signing and appearance – come out and see us if you can manage the heat!